Where Life Takes You
Well...it's been a minute, hasn't it? Life has been so crazy the last couple years I'm not quite sure where to begin. Let's see...the world survived 2020 (the Covidian era, as a shop owner said to me last week), the hot topic has been what shot you received (I got Moderna, boyfriend got Pfizer, in case anyone cares lol), our holidays were thrown for a loop, we haven't really seen our friends in over a year, our sister in law whom I love dearly has been a superwoman fighting a rare form of cancer that came on so quickly, we haven't even all processed what is happening. That, so far, has been the hardest thing, as she is one of the most beautiful humans I have ever been blessed to call my friend and sister.
Last year, my horribly mentally debilitating job didn't work out but that was fine with me, got a new job I thought I would love however I sadly was let got from that one as well as I was no longer needed, fell into a pretty bad depressive episode after that and was unemployed for a few months before receiving a new job near my home.
During that time, though, I also wrote my first novel, channeling my trauma and depression into it and creating this spellbinding story that was so therapeutic to write. I recently released it on Amazon and I can proudly say that I am a published author! It had been my dream to write a novel since I was ten years old and I have struggled with my writing, self-esteem and my brain ever since, always thinking my writing was never good enough and never being able to finish a story. This time was different.
It tells the story of a girl named Freya who travels from her home across a border into what is known as 'The Backlands,' aka where the worst of the worst dwell, including a race known as the Fae. A Darkness lives upon the land, consuming those who allow it to, turning them into creatures of hatred, sorrow and revenge. The three part series has many undertones of grief, depression, anxiety, and prejudice which are stealthily veiled in the form of a vivid imaginative fantasy story. So far, it has received amazing reviews (despite the many typos in it) and I could not be more proud (and overwhelmed) of this book.
The overwhelmed part comes from feeling like I'm not doing enough to promote it. Sales have not been bad in the least, in fact I have gained more than I thought I would in one month and everyone who has read it seems to love it, begging for advanced copies of book two. However, always feeling like I'm not doing enough for exposure or to get it into the 'right hands and faces' has been nagging at my brain and making me feel inadequate lately. Which, to be honest, is ridiculous.
While voicing these concerns to my boyfriend the other day, he told me in a way that I was being ridiculous. To stop looking at others comparatively, and look to them as guides. That the book has gotten into the right hands because the reason I wrote it was to help people learn the signs of mental illness and let others know that they are not alone in this world, which has in fact happened. Money was never the goal, not with this one, and I let myself get caught up in it anyways. Would I love to do this as a career someday? Yes. Absolutely. But Rome wasn't built in a day. So instead of bankrupting myself to shove my book into random people's faces, I should start small and promote the way I feel I can successfully without feeling overwhelmed. It will find it's own path.
I have a goal and I know where I want to be...but that more than likely will not happen for at least another ten years or ten books from now, and that's ok. I am doing my best with what I have right now, and I could not be more grateful to those who have supported me through this entire process. To those who have read it and texted me telling me what you think, to those who have done amazon & goodreads reviews and sent it to their friends...I am beyond grateful to you because you have made my book successful. You have given it a home in your hearts and in the end, right now, that is all I can ask for.
My point to this whole thing is to be kind to yourselves in every endeavor you take on. Success is not monetary or how many likes you get on Instagram, success is you achieving what you wanted to achieve, no matter how small scale it seems. Will I ever become the next Sarah J Maas or Victoria Aveyard of the fantasy genre with that attitude? Who knows. But I am proud of myself and that's enough for now. I did something I never thought I could do in a million years, and it doesn't suck! (LOL). I believe that everyone can, they just need someone to believe in them.
So go for it, guys. No matter what life throws at you (a lot easier said than done, I know), you have more strength in you than you realize. And if you could see yourself and your accomplishments through other people's eyes, I feel you'd be amazed. I know I would be. A year ago I could not imagine a book I wrote, created in my own sporadic brain, being out in the world, but it happened. Don't give up on your dreams and projects, don't let the world dictate your success, and don't give up on yourself.
Artwork by Austin Collins ArtFallen Light is available on Amazon in Kindle format and paperback
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