In a moment...

On September 15th, 2017, my father started the day like any normal day. He got up early with my mom and had some coffee, then he went out with an old friend from high school and then visited our house in Meriden to help out with some yard work. I was home when I got the phone call from my best friend who had found my dad collapsed on the front steps. He was rushed to the local hospital where they inserted a breathing tube and ran some tests. My mom, sister, friend and I all rushed down to see him. After a while I started to panic because the doctors working on him said he was unresponsive. My boyfriend rushed down to meet me and we all drove to the major hospital that my dad ended up being life-starred to. 

Inside the waiting room, we all waited...and waited...and waited. Seeing doctor after doctor who were all basically saying the same thing in different ways. He was unresponsive due to a bleed in his mid-brain which was running through the brain stem. There was no way to drain it due to the damage it would cause to put in a drain in that area. His whole head filled with blood and he was ultimately not going to wake up. If there was a chance he would, the doctors said he would be completely disabled and never able to speak or move. This person laying in that hospital bed was not my dad. 

My dad was a fighter, a warrior, a superhero. Yes, he had his moments when all I wanted to do was tell him to shut up or to back off, but he was still my dad. He was always the go-to guy. And although those moments did happen, overall he was such a good person with a huge heart. He put everyone else ahead of himself (which ended up being the problem). His bleed was caused by high blood pressure (because SOMEONE never wanted to go to the doctor).

But my dad was a good man. He was no saint and he was incredibly irritating sometimes. But no one can deny that he was a good man.

The day I learned to hate goats

2012

Now, throughout the grieving process, I am experiencing things differently than I had with my sister. I put all of my focus on my mom, making sure she is ok. I always promised my dad I would. And I would have anyways. Focusing on myself makes me realize that this is all real, and I don't want that. But I am sad and hurt, of course, I am feeling the normal feelings of grief. But mostly, this time, I am angry. The strange part is I am not angry with God or with my dad. I was for a bit, but it passed. I am angry at others, others I will not name. And as much as I try to let go of that anger, right now I can't. This entire turn of events made me realize how much we take for granted. We take people, situations, opportunities, etc. all for granted all the time. And we never seem to realize that in a moment...it's gone. 

My father passed away on September 19th, 2017 at 9:30 pm. He had turned 63 on August 20th and was also retired for 1 year. He and my mom were married for 39 years and together for 43.

My parents wedding day, 1978

 Do not take anything for granted. Do not fight over stupid things. Never say, "Well maybe tomorrow..." because there is no guarantee that tomorrow will come.

My college graduation, 2015

This man, this superman, was the loudest, naggiest, most annoying human being on the planet. But this man was the greatest man I have ever known. And he was my dad.

August 24th, 2017

3 weeks before he passed, August 30th, 2017