Find yourself.
It's a very simple phrase that has come to life with brand new meaning over the past 10 years or so. Some see it as cliche, others see it as opportunity. It can happen at any age and in any place. You can find yourself just in the place where you are living, you don't have to venture out into the world and be an explorer (however, if you want to you go for it).
Recently, I found myself in a place that I would have never expected. I have dreamt of going to Europe since I was a kid. The very first time I ever saw "Lord of the Dance" when I was 3 years old I wanted to travel to the place where these legends came from. As I grew older, I wanted to travel to more than just Ireland, but to England, Amsterdam, Italy, Sweden...you name it, I've wanted to go for many years.
Living here in Connecticut was starting to make me feel lost and insignificant. It is one of the most expensive states to live in and it just never really felt like the right fit for me. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a really bad case of wanderlust. I love to travel to different places and experience new things. But even travelling to places already in America, I never got the feeling that I had when I finally touched down in the UK this past summer.
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| Big Ben, City of Westminster, London |
Now, let me start off by saying that London is very much a city. It can be dirty, loud, busy, and parts of it are very similar to New York City and Boston. There's an Italian, Indian, or Asian restaurant on every corner and it can be very hard to find regular, plain English food if you don't go to a pub (depending on where you stay of course). But there was something about it. Friends and family tell me, "Oh it was because it was Europe. That's why you felt different." But in all honesty, that wasn't it (like I said, parts of it felt like I never left the US).
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| Abbey Road Crosswalk (barefoot) |
Maybe it was the history, maybe it was the people, maybe it was the air and the water. I don't know. But for the first time in my life, I felt as though I was in the right place. I did not feel lost or scared or even confused 90% of the time. Venturing to the English countryside in Hartfield and Windsor was refreshing as well. It got us out of the city and into the fresh air and lovely little towns.
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| Windsor Castle |
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| Platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station |
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| The House at Pooh Corner, Hartfield |
Visiting this place made it hard and easy to come home. It was hard because I really felt as though I belonged there. No matter where I visit, I have never felt that so strongly in my whole life. But England awoke something in me that I thought I had lost. It made me feel almost whole again. The way the culture seemed was very similar to the way I live. Free spirits, never dousing or diminishing anything you want to do. And for some strange reason, I felt as though I could accomplish anything I wanted in life. It brought back my love for history, literature, music- my passions, my sense of adventure, my self-worth- these things that I had tucked away so long ago, it was all right here. In this small country.
But as badly as I wanted to stay (and believe me I wanted to stay), I had things pulling me back here as well. Family, friends, love, jobs...I have a life established here in CT. I never really saw it in perspective until I saw a whole other life that could be had. But that was not the life that God chose for me, and it was not the life I chose. I chose to stay here, I chose to stay with my family and friends. I chose to stay at my jobs and establish my career here. I could have done this anywhere, but I chose to stay here.
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| Birthday dinner and drink in London |
Like I said, England made me feel ALMOST whole. I missed the people in my life. But the wonderful thing that country did for me was bring back the passions I had left behind for so long and make me realize that what I am doing with my life is ok. I am lucky to have people in my corner who back me on my decisions. And having strangers back my decisions as well, who did not even know me from another American staying there, made me feel like I was doing something right.
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| Windsor Castle |
I miss the UK more than anyone can imagine, and I do hope to live there someday. But I am grateful to it for helping me find myself. I know anything is possible. Part of my heart was left in that beautiful country, and I intend to go visit it as much as I can.
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| Buckingham Palace |
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| Westminster Abbey |
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