New beginnings

For the past few days I have been wallowing in self pity and feeling like I am a failure. This is normal human behavior and, unfortunately, it took a hold of me. I want to go into why this happened just to get it out into the open and to clear my mind a little.

As most of you, if not everyone, know I am a wedding planner. I launched my own company back in January after being an assistant on and off for about 3 years. From the time I was 18 I knew that this is the career path I wanted to pursue. It is a little obscure and not always steady (unless you work for a specific venue), but it was what I wanted to do. It's "my thing" if you like. I went to school to receive my certificate and between school and working on the job, I have learned many things about planning and executing events. 

The reason I do this job, why I have always been drawn to it, is the look my brides and grooms have after they see their vision come to life. Now, I'm not saying I do this job for the glory. That's not it. I do this because I know how stressful it is to plan a wedding and I want my clients to enjoy their day. I do enjoy being appreciated but I also love seeing their faces when they look into the ballrooms and what they described to me is now right in front of their eyes.

So for those of you who don't know, being an event planner is not an easy job. There is a lot of behind the scenes work, running around, logistical work, and thinking on your feet because I guarantee you something will go wrong.

The worst feeling to a wedding planner is feeling like their efforts are not appreciated. The feeling that nothing you did was right, even though you and your crew worked your butts off, worked harder than ever, that in the end all they saw was that one small thing that went wrong. 

I was also told on a separate occasion that I need to "educate myself on my job and reevaluate my career choice" by an outside party not long ago, even though I know this job backwards and forwards and have gotten a good education in it as well, it took a toll on me this past week. I felt as though I failed. I failed myself, I failed everyone who believed in me, I failed God who specifically put me on this path. I didn't want to do this anymore. And then it hit me.

I sat and thought about the past few weeks and realized, I didn't fail. There may have been bumps along the way, but I successfully pulled it off. It was beautiful, it was meticulous down to the smallest detail, and at times it was even fun. I had successfully pulled off my first wedding of the season and at the end of the night, the bride and groom were happy. And knowing that and knowing my job, I don't need to "educate myself." 

It happens. And slowly I am learning that these things do happen to every planner. It's sadly part of the job. Not everyone is going to appreciate your efforts and your work. And that realization hit me very hard. But I made it through the night. I made it through the week. God let everything I feared happen in that one event because He wanted to make sure I could handle it. He wanted to make me realize that this is the big leagues. I'm no longer an assistant. And people are not always going to appreciate what goes down. The whole night, one saying kept repeating over and over in my head.

"God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved." Or as most people know it: 

"God is within her, she will not fall." Psalm 46:5. 

I wish that couple all the happiness in the world, because overall they seemed like truly nice people. But just because someone doesn't like how you did something or what was actually accomplished, does not mean you failed. However, if you quit, you only fail yourself.

So here's to a new beginning, a stronger backbone, and a better attitude :)