Depression: taboo subject? Oh well!

Depression has a bad rep in the minds of a lot of people. Sadly, anyone diagnosed with depression will always feel like deep down they can never tell people because they will be seen as "sad." Being depressed is not the same as being sad, although it does cause a certain amount of sadness to the person affected.

The clinical definition of Depression is: "Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest."

This disorder affects not only the brain and mood, but also the body. However, if someone is depressed, it does not mean that they hate their lives. This is also a huge misconception.

Because of many factors in my life, I have always dealt with severe anxiety and depression. It is not something that you can completely "snap out of," contrary to what others who have never experienced it think. Again, you aren't "sad."

I had overcome a very big portion of my anxiety and depression over the course of 10 years. I thought I had kicked it out completely. However, when I was diagnosed with IC, I noticed that those "funky feelings," as I call them, started to come back. I went to my doctor and she noticed my anxiety was worsening again. Finally she diagnosed me from Generalized Anxiety Disorder to Severe Anxiety Disorder and also told me I had mild depression.

I was angry about this because I thought I was done with this crap. But the fact that every morning was a struggle and a fight made my body not want to fight anymore. Every time I would go to the doctor, it seemed like it was always bad news. Medications and life changes that had been working started to fail and I was losing hope. That is what depression feels like a lot of the time. It is a feeling of hopelessness in a life situation. Sometimes you have no idea what that situation even is! And sometimes, it's multiple things all at once; too many things on the brain.

I cherish small improvements with my body, but a lot of times it's hard to calm my anxiety down. This makes my pain worse and therefore I slip into a "funk." It has nothing to do with my life in general! This is a very important thing I need to address.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY DOES NOT MEAN THEY HATE THEIR LIVES.

I do not hate my life at all! I am actually very happy with my life!

"Well then why are you depressed?"

I am not "depressed;" I have mild depression. I am happy with my life; I have a supportive family, an amazing boyfriend, a supportive 2nd family, and fantastic friends. I have a job, and even though the stress of it gets to me, it's a steady paycheck and I can pay my bills. I am improving with PT with different aspects of this condition and I have strong faith in God. Like I said, I am happy with my life!

The way the brain works with depression is what I call like a 60/40 effect. There is no balance between what to focus on, meaning the good and the bad. Most people seem to have a balance of 50/50, but people with depression do not. 60% of the time, the thing that makes you feel hopeless and sad is the thing that is in the forefront of your mind. 40% of the time, the things that make you happy and forget about the bad are in the forefront. That is why it is important to do something each day that you love to keep that part as the most important so you don't stay in your "funk" or your "little dark hole." (Btw these are not real statistics, just mine lol).

So when I say I am happy and blessed in my life, I mean it! I am! But a lot of the time, the pain and discomfort is in the forefront. It's the most noticeable things every morning and every night. So many factors bring it to life, such as: my diet, losing weight, and the constant feeling of pain in my pelvis, among other things. But it is important to pull yourself out of your funk, pray for help and guidance, and do something that makes you happy so that you are distracted from the bad and only focused on the good.

I don't like telling people about my depression and anxiety because of the way it is viewed. However, it is important to know and be a support when someone you love is going through it. Don't look at them differently, it's still them. They just need a mood boost a little more often than normal :)